One of the reasons Lord Spookyraven collected so many nightstands was so that he'd have somewhere to misplace his impossibly huge collection of old wallets and coin purses. At the height of her madness, Lady Spookyraven employed as many as five nightstand carvers. The ornate nightstands were so expensive that they drained the Spookyraven family coffers, and Lady Spookyraven had to resort to buying cheap pre-fab nightstands.
Whenever anyone asked, "why nightstands? So hardly anyone asked. Though it is a well-recognized piece of iconography, there has never been a bag of money with a big dollar sign printed on the outside of it. Also, why would a robber be wearing a prison uniform before he got caught? Unless the idea is that the love of money leads to an endless cycle of recidivism, I guess.
Maybe that's what they're trying to say? Usually, "rustic" means either "this is the first one of these I built and I'm not very good at it," or "I'm bored with this project and don't feel like sanding it.
Really rustic nightstands are wrapped in barbed wire for added authenticity, but that comes at a certain "ease of use" cost. On the bright side, most possessed objects have to generate their own gross liquid -- this guy got it for free!
Spittoons are made of brass because they don't rust like iron or steel ones. Sodium has also been tried, but that presented an entirely different problem. The 'ping' it makes when a cowboy spits into a spitoon is one of his teeth. Don't chew tobacco, kids. Kirby dance! The anime smiley rule of kawai [ sic ]? Snakes make good sausages but you need a real long hot dog bun. Snake ribcages make good combs, unless you're a medusa.
Your hair would not appreciate that, if you were a medusa. Snake sweaters are really easy to knit. The annoying spooky gravy fairy really just wants to be friends and joke around, but it's socially awkward and gets nervous. The annoying spooky gravy fairy's pitchfork can be used by normal-sized people to eat oysters, or by oysters to fend off people trying to eat them. I mean, what chance does the annoying spooky gravy fairy have, with a name like that?
If your name was Bob the Douchebag, would you fight fate? The antique database server used to have all the RAM anyone would ever need: 16 whole kilobytes! What do you mean no one wants to buy the antique database server? We just paid, like, a thousand dollars for it less than a decade ago! The antique database server predates even cassette-based data storage. It uses a stylus and a slab of granite. Yeah, you know, apathetic lizard men.
They're um, green? Or whatever. Apathetic lizardmen are notable for being the Kingdom's most notable something. Apathetic lizardmen guard the Daily thing because ehn. Yeah, you know, apathetic lizard men tyrannosauruses. Apathetic lizard men tyrannosauruses are notable for being the Kingdom's most notable something.
Apathetic lizard men tyrannosauruses guard the Daily thing whatever because ehn. The Aquabat has changed the line-up of his base components over the years, but he's still pretty cool. The Aquabat alternates between beating up adventurers and entertaining children in his spare time. The Aquabat may not be the best bat in the world, but you can't deny he's got energy and he's fun.
When he isn't beating you up, that is. Aquacondas can be separated into hydrogen and oxygen snakes, but it's an energy-expensive process. Aquacondas aren't venomous. They might not even be aggressive. They might just be dedicated huggers who don't know their own strength.
Aquacondas are mostly made of water. But, then again, so are you! The Aquagoblin, like all of the Rain King's subjects, is made of sentient water. Y'know, like in that James Cameron movie, Titanic.
The Aquagoblin can actually juggle the contact spheres instead of having a stuntman do it for him, but since his spheres are actually just an extension of his body, it's not that impressive.
The Aquagoblin's codpiece is even bigger than the Goblin King's. A welder is what a solder soldier wields. Other things an arc welder might weld: lads, fractions of a circle, and Triomphes. Don't ask him about boats full of animals, though. He hates that. LyleCo refrigeration appliances combine industry-leading cooling technology with energy efficient savings.
For your industrial cooling needs, LyleCo also provides safe and reliable storage tanks for hazardous liquid gasses. The safety track record of LyleCo's cooling equipment is unmatched since Tuesday of last week. Octolusses are called that because they have more than eight eyes. Octolosi have no bones, except for the little bones inside the eyes. The correct plural of octolus is 'octolodiusi'. Argarggagarg is actually a female hellseal, proving that, whatever else you may think about hellseals, at least they aren't sexist.
Even females can be an alpha male. Argarggagarg's two heads are actually named Argarg and Gagarg. Gagarg is the angrier one, because she's sick of always getting second-billing. Argarggagarg's favorite colors are blood red, and cornflower. The bark scorpion's natural enemies are the blacklight and the iron chisel. A bark scorpion's bite is worse than itself.
By the way, there are also black widow spiders. Robot armor is not made of strawberries. Sometimes it tastes like strawberries, but that's just a coincidence. Robots are not allergic to bee stings, usually. In a sense, all robots are armored, except for the ones made of cardboard or meat.
Mushrooms are like turtles because they both can be made into delicious soup. Mushrooms are like turtles because they're both sort of round and very slow. Mushrooms are like turtles because they both reproduce via spores.
Arthur's creator's first name is Herbert. Or was it Herman? One of those. All of the body parts Mr. Frankenstein used were totally legit donations to medical science, and not grave robberies. It's still pretty weird though. Frankenstein is totally cool if you call him 'Mr.
The cloak worn by the Assassin is more accurately described as a windbreaker. Traditional assassins were named due to their supposed consumption of hashish.
Assassins like this one prefer beans. Most Assassins don't have pets, but you'll occasionally meet one who owns a barking spider.
Don't ask an assembly elemental to put your new furniture together for you. They hate that. The astronomers of old had a list of constellation names that they could never find constellations to match.
Thus the Kingdom has no "Meat Missile" constellation. The longstanding feud between astronomers and astrologers once boiled over into an actual war over the stars. It was called "The Space Battles. This is a relevant factoid for the Astronomer because the Astronomer named the thing and changed the name.
So quit filing bug reports about it. Self-defense: Arming yourself with basic hand-to-hand combat techniques. Security: Protecting your family and property from intrusion, break-ins, and theft. Blood of Elves. Andrzej Sapkowski. The Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, becomes the guardian of Ciri, surviving heiress of a bloody revolution and prophesied savior of the world, in the first novel of the New York Times bestselling series that inspired the Netflix show and the hit video games.
For over a century, humans, dwarves, gnomes, and elves have lived together in relative peace. But times have changed, the uneasy peace is over, and now the races are fighting once again. The only good elf, it seems, is a dead elf. Geralt of Rivia, the cunning assassin known as the Witcher, has been waiting for the birth of a prophesied child. This child has the power to change the world -- for good, or for evil.
As the threat of war hangs over the land and the child is hunted for her extraordinary powers, it will become Geralt's responsibility to protect them all. And the Witcher never accepts defeat. Andrzej Sapkowski, winner of the World Fantasy Lifetime Achievement award, started an international phenomenon with his Witcher series. Blake Pierce did a magnificent job developing characters with a psychological side so well described that we feel inside their minds, follow their fears and cheer for their success.
Full of twists, this book will keep you awake until the turn of the last page. Was it a coincidence? Or is there a serial killer out there playing a sick game of catch and release—and catch again?
It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn't much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband, and father of three school-age children. While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.
The playscript for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was originally released as a 'special rehearsal edition' alongside the opening of Jack Thorne's play in London's West End in summer Based on an original story by J. Rowling, John Tiffany and Jack Thorne, the play opened to rapturous reviews from theatregoers and critics alike, while the official playscript became an immediate global bestseller.
This definitive and final playscript updates the 'special rehearsal edition' with the conclusive and final dialogue from the play, which has subtly changed since its rehearsals, as well as a conversation piece between director John Tiffany and writer Jack Thorne, who share stories and insights about reading playscripts.
This edition also includes useful background information including the Potter family tree and a timeline of events from the Wizarding World prior to the beginning of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Dune: Volume 1. Coveted across the known universe, melange is a prize worth killing for A stunning blend of adventure and mysticism, environmentalism and politics, Dune won the first Nebula Award, shared the Hugo Award, and formed the basis of what is undoubtedly the grandest epic in science fiction.
Night Shift. Stephen King. More than twenty-five stories of horror and nightmarish fantasy transform everyday situations into experiences of compelling terror in the worlds of the living, the dying, and the nonliving. Sword of Destiny. Geralt the Witcher -- revered and hated -- holds the line against the monsters plaguing humanity in this second collection of adventures in the New York Times bestselling series that inspired the Netflix show and the hit video games.
Geralt is a Witcher, a man whose magic powers, enhanced by long training and a mysterious elixir, have made him a brilliant fighter and a merciless assassin. Yet he is no ordinary murderer: his targets are the multifarious monsters and vile fiends that ravage the land and attack the innocent.
Join Geralt as he battles monsters, demons and prejudices alike. Scott Cawthon. What do you wish for most? It's a question that Oswald, Sarah, and Millie think they know the answer to. Oswald wishes his summer wasn't so boring, Sarah wishes to be beautiful, and Millie wishes she could just disappear from the face of the earth. But in the twisted world of Five Nights at Freddy's, their hearts' deepest desires have an unexpected cost.
In this volume, Five Nights at Freddy's creator Scott Cawthon spins three sinister novella-length stories from different corners of his series' canon, featuring cover art from fan-favorite artist LadyFiszi. Readers beware: This collection of terrifying tales is enough to unsettle even the most hardened Five Nights at Freddy's fans. Brave New World. Aldous Huxley. One of the most prophetic dystopian works. Dune Messiah. As Emperor of the known universe, he possesses more power than a single man was ever meant to wield.
Worshipped as a religious icon by the fanatical Fremen, Paul faces the enmity of the political houses he displaced when he assumed the throne—and a conspiracy conducted within his own sphere of influence. Neverwhere: A Novel. Neil Gaiman. American readers can experience this spellbinding, magical world the way that Neil Gaiman wanted us to all along. Hurricane Season.
Fernanda Melchor. American Son: My Story. Oscar De La Hoya. From Oscar De La Hoya, one of the most celebrated fighters in the history of boxing, comes a frank and touching memoir about achieving the American Dream: his rise to the top, the power of a solid work ethic, his mother's painful death from cancer, the pitfalls of stardom, and a very personal take on what it means to be an American The son of Mexican-born parents, Oscar "The Golden Boy" De La Hoya has had an astonishing career.
American Son answers these questions. Dreaming in Cuban: A Novel. The lives of Celia del Pino and her husband, daughters, and grandchildren mirror the magical realism of Cuba itself, a landscape of beauty and poverty, idealism and corruption. The Map of the Sky: A Novel. The fate of the earth hangs in the balance as H.
New York socialite Emma Harlow agrees to marry well-to-do Montgomery Gilmore, but only if he first accepts her audacious challenge: to reproduce the Martian invasion featured in H. Meanwhile in London, Wells himself is unexpectedly made privy to certain objects, apparently of extraterrestrial origin, that were discovered decades earlier on an ill-fated expedition to the Antarctic. On that same expedition was an American crew member named Edgar Allan Poe, whose inexplicable experiences in the frozen wasteland would ultimately inspire him to create one of his most enduring works of literature.
When eerie, alien-looking cylinders begin appearing in London, Wells is certain it is all part of some elaborate hoax. But soon, to his great horror, he realizes that a true invasion of Earth has indeed begun. As brave bands of citizens converge on a crumbling London to defend it against utter ruin, Emma and her suitor must confront the enigma that is their love, a bright spark of hope even against the darkening light of apocalypse. In The Map of the Sky, he embarks on an even more thrilling speculative journey, one that links the earth and the heavens, the familiar and the bizarre, the impossible and the inevitable.
The Savage Detectives: A Novel. A violent showdown in the Sonora desert turns search to flight; twenty years later Belano and Lima are still on the run. This chorus includes the muses of visceral realism, the beautiful Font sisters; their father, an architect interned in a Mexico City asylum; a sensitive young follower of Octavio Paz; a foul-mouthed American graduate student; a French girl with a taste for the Marquis de Sade; the great-granddaughter of Leon Trotsky; a Chilean stowaway with a mystical gift for numbers; the anorexic heiress to a Mexican underwear empire; an Argentinian photojournalist in Angola; and assorted hangers-on, detractors, critics, lovers, employers, vagabonds, real-life literary figures, and random acquaintances.
The Savage Detectives is a dazzling original, the first great Latin American novel of the twenty-first century. Last Stop on Market Street. But today, CJ wonders why they don't own a car like his friend Colby. How come they always have to get off in the dirty part of town? Each question is met with an encouraging answer from grandma, who helps him see the beauty—and fun—in their routine and the world around them. The Map of Chaos: A Novel.
A session with a renowned medium seems to offer the only solution, but the experience unleashes terrible forces that bring the world to the brink of disaster. Salvation can only be found in The Map of Chaos, an obscure, hand-written mathematical treatise that he is desperate to uncover. Wells, whose Invisible Man seems to have escaped from the pages of his famous novel to sow terror among mankind.
They alone can discover the means to save the world and to find the path that will reunite the lovers separated by death. Palma brings together a cast of real and imagined literary characters in Victorian London, when spiritualism is at its height. The Map of Chaos is a spellbinding adventure that mixes impossible loves, nonstop action, real ghosts, and fake mediums, all while paying homage to the giants of science fiction.
The Best American Short Stories He brings "one of the most distinctive and magnetic voices in contemporary fiction: limber, streetwise, caffeinated and wonderfully eclectic" Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times to the collection.
The Strain. Cantoras: A novel. Carolina De Robertis. Start a new series. Hell Hath No Fury. West introduces the legend of a man called Hawk.
To start their new life together, Jamie Pratt and his young bride join a westward wagon train bound for the Rocky Mountains. They get as far as Helena when their unscrupulous wagon master deserts them, leaving them as good as dead in a godforsaken, blood-scorched land.
The other settlers agree to set stakes where they are, but Jamie and his bride press on toward the Bitterroot Valley, deep into Sioux territory. A hardened veteran of the range, Hawk is living off the land in a little cabin on the Boulder River when Monroe comes begging for his help. To rescue Jamie and his bride, Hawk—and his guns—will soon be back in the saddle, riding fast and fierce into deadly odds.
For Hawk, delivering justice is what he was born to do. Fillmore Press was once Madder Red, a homicidal maniac and criminal overlord who ruled the city of Bedlam. Now he's been cured of his mania, and says he wants to help protect the place he once terrorized -- but can he be trusted? Fairy Tail. Cute girl wizard Lucy wants to join the Fairy Tail, a club for the most powerful wizards.
But instead, her ambitions land her in the clutches of a gang of unsavory pirates le by a devious magician. Her only hope is Natsu, a strange boy she happens to meet on her travels.
Natsu's not your typical hero - he gets motion sickness, eats like a pig, and his best friend is a talking cat. With friends like this, is Lucy better off with her enemies? The Last Chance Lawyer. Getting his client off death row could save his career… or make him the next victim. A mysterious job offer from a secretive boss gives him a second chance but lands him an impossible case with multiple lives at stake… To protect a young orphan from a horrifying fate, Pike must save the girl's guardian from a charge of first-degree murder.
William McGonagall is celebrated as the worst poet in British history. There was something irresistible to me about his name, and the idea that such a brilliant woman might be a distant relative of the buffoonish McGonagall. Rowling Pottermore Presents is a collection of J. Rowling's writing from the Pottermore archives: short reads originally featured on pottermore. These eBooks, with writing curated by Pottermore, will take you beyond the Harry Potter stories as J.
Rowling reveals her inspiration, intricate details of characters' lives and surprises from the wizarding world. These stories of heroism, hardship and dangerous hobbies profile two of the Harry Potter stories' most courageous and iconic characters: Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin.
Rowling also gives us a peek behind the closed curtains of Sybill Trelawney's life, and you'll encounter the reckless, magical-beast-loving Silvanus Kettleburn along the way.
Next To Disappear. Revised edition: Previously published as 'Lost Lives'. Laurell K. Anita Blake is small, dark, and dangerous. Her turf is the city of St. Her job: re-animating the dead and killing the undead who take things too far. Ryoma Mikoshiba, an ordinary high-schooler adept at martial arts, one day finds himself summoned to another world. The curtain rises on a record of the wars of a young supreme ruler in this other world fantasy!
New releases. John Mackey. John Mackey started a movement when he founded Whole Foods, bringing natural, organic food to the masses and not only changing the market, but breaking the mold. Each chapter will challenge you to rethink conventional business wisdom through anecdotes, case studies, profiles of conscious leaders, and innovative techniques for self-development, culminating in an empowering call to action for entrepreneurs and trailblazers—to step up as leaders who see beyond the bottom line.
Mimi Thorisson. Mimi explores the beautiful coasts and countrysides of Italy in this lavishly photographed cookbook featuring simple, authentic recipes inspired by the country's devoted producers and rich food heritage. In their newest cookbook, the Thorissons pause their lives in the idyllic French countryside to start a new adventure in Italy and satisfy their endless curiosity and passion for the magic of Italian cooking.
Old World Italian captures their journey and the culinary treasures they discovered. The mysteries of Italian food culture will unravel as you learn to execute a perfect Neapolitan-style pizza at home or make the most sublime yet elemental cacio e pepe. Edith Eva Eger. This practical and inspirational guide to healing from the award-winning, New York Times bestselling author of The Choice shows us how to stop destructive patterns and imprisoning thoughts to find freedom and enjoy life.
Now, in The Gift, Eger expands on her message of healing and provides a hands-on guide that gently encourages us to change the thoughts and behaviors that may be keeping us imprisoned in the past. Eger explains that the worst prison she experienced is not the prison that Nazis put her in but the one she created for herself, the prison within her own mind.
She describes the twelve most pervasive imprisoning beliefs she has known—including fear, grief, anger, secrets, stress, guilt, shame, and avoidance—and the tools she has discovered to deal with these universal challenges. Filled with empathy, insight, and humor, The Gift captures the vulnerability and common challenges we all face and provides encouragement and advice for breaking out of our personal prisons to find healing and enjoy life.
Troubled Blood. Robert Galbraith. A breathtaking, labyrinthine epic, Troubled Blood is the fifth Strike and Robin novel and the most gripping and satisfying yet. Private Detective Cormoran Strike is visiting his family in Cornwall when he is approached by a woman asking for help finding her mother, Margot Bamborough — who went missing in mysterious circumstances in Strike has never tackled a cold case before, let alone one forty years old.
But despite the slim chance of success, he is intrigued and takes it on; adding to the long list of cases that he and his partner in the agency, Robin Ellacott, are currently working on. And Robin herself is also juggling a messy divorce and unwanted male attention, as well as battling her own feelings about Strike. And they learn that even cases decades old can prove to be deadly. Susanna Clarke. Piranesi's house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others.
Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.
There is one other person in the house-a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. When you see Grandma cutting up little chunks of ham, you better get excited 'cause chances are she's getting ready to cook up some of her famous split pea soup!
Grandma's Split Pea Soup is totally homemade and full of comfort. And if the soup becomes too thick after it has been chilled, as it often does, just stir in a little water when rewarming it to achieve the desired consistency. I have not made this yet so I cannot rate it. We are adding your Comments. This pea soup recipe is pretty much the same as the one I have been doing in my crock pot for years, with the exception of the beef broth.
Tried and true! I like to make my own chicken broth and store it in mason jars in the freezer to use for this, as well as my other favorite soups. Sometimes beef broth tastes a little bit too salty and tinny to me. Are you sure you would like to report this comment? It will be flagged for our moderators to take action. About Mr. Your list has reached the maximum number of items.
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The name field is required. Please enter your name. The E-mail message field is required.Low Fat, Ultra-Filtered Milk, Very Strawberry Flavor, All Natural Flavors (Packaging May Vary), 14 fl oz, 12 count out of 5 stars $ $ 99 ($/Fl Oz).